I am sick of being unemployed.
I am sick of feeling useless and inadequate. I am sick of being bored because I have copious free time but rarely have the money to do anything with it. I am sick of being lonely because I cannot afford to visit my existing friends who live long distances away, and I have few opportunities to make new friends because I can’t afford to get out much. I am sick of the fact that when I go to a pub, for an open mic night or whatever, I have to carefully consider whether I can afford to have a second or even a first drink. I am sick of knowing that when meeting new people, sooner or later the question of ‘what do you do?’ is going to come up, and that I will be embarrassed as I have no answer: I’m not just out of work, I’ve never been in one job long enough to be able to say what I’d ‘normally’ be doing. I am sick of knowing that my already dubious chances with the opposite sex are reduced to basically zero by my being a 27-year-old man with no job who lives with his parents. I am sick of racing towards the end of my twenties with a sense that I haven’t even got started on life yet. I am sick of knowing that I have long-standing social anxiety problems that I need to try and address, but that I have few opportunities to tackle them properly because I cannot afford to get out and about and expose myself to social situations very much. I am sick of knowing that for as long as I am starved of social contact, those problems are only likely to get worse.
For some time now, I have been living from day to day, without really thinking much about where I’m going or planning ahead by more than a month or so. This has prevented me from being particularly effective in my job-seeking, but has also allowed me to remain vaguely comfortable and not worry too much about all of the above. But for a variety of reasons, I have recently been unable to maintain this any longer. So it’s been a rough few weeks, although at least I am now taking my job search seriously.
But now I am also sick of job-hunting. I am sick of finding a vacancy that looks promising, of working up enthusiasm for an employment opportunity, of waiting for a response, and having my newly-fledged hope dashed when the response comes back negative. I am sick of having to write accounts of myself that are both honest (or, at least, free of outright lies) and overwhelmingly positive, despite my poor self-image and natural distaste for immodesty. I am sick of knowing that every day spent without a job further diminishes my chances of finding one, especially one that I don’t find particularly unpleasant or disagreeable. And I’m sick of not sleeping well because I’m feeling stressed by the whole enterprise.
I am disgruntled.
I’m sorry to hear you’ve been having a hard time finding work. I’ve had a few periods of unemployment in my life, so I can definitely understand your frustration and (perhaps even) depression over the entire affair.
I am sure you’ve had no end of advice offered to you by friends and strangers alike. If you’d like some input from a fellow musician / technical guy / gamer / bloggiste, drop me a note.
In the Meantime:
1. Do some form of exercise every day, even if it is simply walking.
2. Get out of bed at a decent hour.
3. Do “something” each day that advances your “finding work” cause, and. . .
4. Do “something” each day that advances your “pursuing your dream” cause.
#1 and #2 are salves against depression, and set you up to face #3.
#4 is something you get to do because you’ve got time, and it’s fun to imagine what you’d do if you could do *anything*.
Curiously, all the energy you get from pursuing #4 makes you better at #3.
Really.
Good luck, sir. Good times are ahead.
bob
Hello, Bob. Welcome to my blog; I hope the Imperator Titan model you were originally looking for proved interesting.
I meant to reply to your comment earlier; Frank’s comment below reminded me that I hadn’t got around to it.
I think your advice is essentially pretty good. I do try get out and at least take a walk into town most days as long as it isn’t raining, and I’ve recently taken up swimming for the first time in about seven years. Getting up in the morning isn’t really optional at the moment; there’s some construction work going on next door and they make a lot of noise from fairly early in the morning.
Not sure I really have a ‘dream’ to pursue, though, which makes that part harder. I probably could spend more time practising playing music, though, which is probably as close as it gets.
Jeeze, that’s a grim read. Normally, I avoid giving advice to anyone, mainly because I mind my own business. However, your situation sounds dire and one of my godsons was in a similar position a few years back, so here goes -
Large goals are achieved by breaking things down to much smaller goals. Now, you may think that you have no large goal or grand plan…but, you have, you sure as hell know that you don’t want things to carry on as they are! That is a major step and gives you the ‘grand plan’ to aim for, so….
#1. Walk, walk till you drop and carry a camera – and use it.
#2. Learn to drive – in our society, anyone who does not will always be a social pariah and have limited opportunities. Also useful if you need to earn money quickly later on, taxis, driving vans, small lorries, etc.
#3. Apply for a job here – http://www.rhs.org.uk/About-Us/Jobs Apply as a ‘volunteer’ to start with(even volunteers there get pocket money and shared spartan accommodation on location)
This gets you away from home, working outdoors, puts order into your life, mixing with people, close to London and…slowly but surely, the sheer beauty of nature will lift any depression, you’ll be able to think clearly, you’ll make friends, make contacts, visit places and…be in good shape for the next step on your journey. Hopefully by then, you will know where that journey lies.
Hope this stuff helps…a bit :)
#1. I do walk quite a bit already. I don’t bother taking my camera, though. I went through a period of taking it everywhere with me, which just led to it getting broken. So now I leave it at home unless I know I’m going to use it.
#2. Already on it; I’m currently aiming to take my test in August.
#3. Interesting suggestion. I was looking into doing some volunteering already; at a suggestion from a friend, I’d been looking into seeing if there was anything I could do at the University museums in Oxford. Perhaps I’ll bear the RHS in mind as a possible plan B. I must admit that gardening isn’t something I’ve ever had much interest in in the past, but maybe I could learn to take an interest.
Thanks for your comments, anyway.
“Thanks for your comments, anyway.”
No problem. :) If nothing else, try and get thyself from Witney to Wisley for the day, for a recce.
http://www.rhs.org.uk/Gardens/Wisley/Plan-your-visit
Maybe even have a chat with the guys you see working there. Can’t hurt, eh?
….anyway, good luck. :)